Private (Third) Eye - Brunch

I walked in and took my seat in the Usual cafe. I called it the Usual as I ate there everyday (you come up with a better name). I had no need for the menu. Menu's are for the masses and I knew eggs and coffee were all I wanted. As I was looking around for the pretty waitress I caught her eye. She smiled at me and said "nice catch". Her false eye had been knocked loose by the gun pressed against her head. This was turning out to be an annoying couple of days. I removed my hat and stood up. The gunman, shop-gimp neanderthal idiot that he was, happened to be a giant. If I had to guess I'd say he was somewhere between a shade over 7ft and a tad under 8ft. "Now listen here fucko," I wasn't in the mood for sweet talk and my neck hurt from trying to look him in the eye, "The kind waitress has customers to serve so why don't you act like a gent and point your gun some other place." I remembered too late that at times like these it was best to give clear instructions especially when dealing with intelligence challenged, gun toting goons. He got off three quick shots, all in my general direction. I dodged left, dropped into a roll and came up to his right. Unfortunately this happened to be exactly where his gun was pointing. I grabbed a silver toast rack and waved it back and forth in front of his eyes before throwing it up above his head. Oxygen thief goons are just like dogs, children and midgets - easily distracted by shiny objects. I tapped him delicately once or two on the head with a coffee pot and he seemed comfortable enough in a heap on the floor. "No! No you fool." The waitress seemed excited about something. Turns out the now broken coffee pot only had four more days until retirement. I paid my condolences, returned the baby blue to the waitress and left. I was still hungry.