I Knew It

Today I decided to follow myself home to see what I was getting up to. I'd had a bad feeling about my behaviour and, quite frankly, I didn't like the rumours I'd been spreading about myself. I watched as I pushed into the lift then I bolted down the stairs so I could watch myself leaving the building. So far I was acting normally but from previous experience I knew better than to trust myself. I walked about ten metres behind myself down Charing Cross Road and followed me as I descended into the tube system. I took the Bakerloo line, making sure that I'd not seen me and gazed as I saw myself not too subtly staring at a lady. Getting out of the tube station I managed to lose myself and charged down the road until I nearly ran head first into myself as I came out of a shop. I managed to keep my head down so I didn't see myself go running by me. I gave myself 5 minutes to get back to the flat before I set off after me again. At the flat I gingerly pushed the door open. I could hear the sounds of me pottering, or so I thought, about the flat. I tip-toed upstairs and was shocked by what I saw. There I was, masturbating furiously on the kitchen table. I turned around and fled in disgust. I shall never trust myself again!